the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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