i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
