so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
