Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best revenge is premature balding
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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