If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
