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• (530): View more from California

  When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  yet...

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.

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• (818): View more from California

  end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm too stoned to come over for sex

  (813): View more from Florida

  Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'll be right over

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• (408): View more from California

  I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.

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