So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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