Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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