so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
