meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
