Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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