did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
