While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
