How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
