Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
