how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your cock deserves a montage
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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