BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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