idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
