My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
