Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
