so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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