Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize