took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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