I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
