the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
