I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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