Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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