He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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