You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
