Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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