Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
