If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
