You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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