That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
