I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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