Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize