every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
