there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
