I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
