she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
