I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
