U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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