Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
