the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
