I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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