Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
