it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
