Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
