why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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