Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
