Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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