Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you win again, gameday.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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