Do you still have your period?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
