She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
