We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize