I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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