I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
