i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
