You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
