Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
