A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
