I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
