Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
