so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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