I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
