when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
