Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drunk is not a location!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
