we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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