yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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