wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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