can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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