Buhtt sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
