guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize