Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
