If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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