I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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