I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
