you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
