Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
