My balls are so social today.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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