I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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