i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
