margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize