I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
