kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
