My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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