lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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