Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
