Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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