I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
