dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
