You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
