I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Randomize