im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think my moral compass just broke
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
