would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
