4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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