i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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